Kamis, 07 Oktober 2010

lost in the tunnel of love

lost in the tunnel of love
Ask Dr. Chaves
How much can be done when I can't feel much during sex? This one girl in a sorority can’t get enough of me: She hits me up every day and usually we will end up going at it for hours at night and then some in the mornings before we really have to get out and about.

She goes crazy when I give her oral and she feels bad when she can't give me the same pleasure. Last week I was busting on her balls for giving me blue balls because she couldn't make me cum. She's not that great using her hands and she is the definition of gentle (in a bad way) when she gives me oral; forget about even trying to climax if I have a condom on.

When I'm inside her, I feel like she is way too wet and I can barely even feel the heat inside. Do you think getting her to work on kegels would help, and how do I instigate this while being sensitive?

I've stopped masturbating to try to make sex shorter (don't think it has worked) and right now I'm just considering getting really stoned so everything feels better.

Ricky from Trenton, NJ

Getting high and not masturbating isn’t the answer, so sober up and have a tug. If you’re smoking a lot of weed or ingesting substances (alcohol, etc.), it’s possible that that’s what’s affecting your sensitivity. Try a detox and see if the sensation improves.

When sensation is the issue for a guy, we need to take action to help our partners and ourselves. In reading your question, I couldn’t tell if you’ve had this issue before with other partners. Have you? If not, the issue might lie with you both knowing each others' likes and dislikes sexually. The only communication I heard you mention was “busting her balls” for not making you come. She’s not responsible for your orgasm -- you are. I think you need to communicate more what turns you on, what kinds of touch are most pleasurable and sensitive to you (in detail), and help her learn about the techniques that work for you.

Sometimes our mind affects our functioning, so think about variations of techniques, positions and fantasy scenarios that turn you on. I’d suggest both of you watch Sinclair videos or sex education videos on oral and sexual intercourse and talk about which techniques work best for you both. You can also pick up numerous books on performing oral sex to learn better techniques.

Kegels might make her feel tighter, but aren’t going to affect her lubrication or the heat that you’re not feeling. Of course, you can always go the route of the warming lube, but that’s more of a quick-fix than a long-term solution.

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